Tailscale is but since you already tried them, maybe headscale that’s supposed to be the self hosted version of Tailscale that someone wrote, so you have better odds at less latency! https://headscale.net/
Zerotier? Not sure -https://www.zerotier.com/ can speak more to this.
I use Proxmox and don’t use Truenas. My setup is basically to install Cockpit on the host server via apt-get and then the 45 Drives cockpit-sharing plugin. This provides the NFS and Samba sharing I need and use. I host Home Assistant in a VM and Docker containers in a few LXC containers which host about 10 containers each. Then, in combination with https://tteck.github.io/Proxmox/ you can set up pretty much anything you need from there.
This is on in computer terms, ancient; a 13 year old Dell Optiplex 990 with 16gb Ram and software such as Authentik and Vaultwarden from different dedicated LXC containers. Never have any issues with overload of the system resources or running out of memory. It’s pretty much rock solid.